What We've Got Here is a Failure to Communicate

I may need Cool Hand Luke to translate; but he might eat all of my scotch eggs.


After a day at the library, during which I read about the Lowland Clearances, Scottish agronomy and the differences between upper and lower classes, my mind becomes relatively disengaged.  Thus, engaging with society takes some effort; I need a bit of time before I am able to think and speak coherently.


Three times (twice yesterday) I have not understood what has been asked of me, and instead of responding with a polite "can I get a repeat on that?" I answer to what I think I have just heard.  Either that or just smile and say the word "yes" over and over.  This tactic worked well in Italy.


Below, you will read what was asked, what I heard, and how I responded.  I will say that my responses elicited strange looks.  And I would just smile and say yes over and over....


Waiter: "Was everything ok?"
What I heard: "Would you like some cake?"
My Answer: "Yes please."


Grocery store clerk: "Where are you from?"
What I heard: "Would your like your receipt in the bag?"
My Answer: "In the bag."


Grocery store clerk: "Do you like our city?"
What I heard: "Would you like free bread?"
My response: "No, not really."

Mons Meg

Fortunately my wife translated, and I blame it all on mental fatigue.  No, I am not from the bag and I do like Edinburgh, although now everyone who works at Sainsbury's thinks I hate the city.




Speaking of cannons, Mons Meg - arguably one of the world's oldest cannons - now rests contentedly on the grounds of Edinburgh Castle.  A gift to James II in 1457, this Belgium-made weapon represented the pinnacle of fifteenth-century military technology.  At a little over 7 tons and 15 feet in length, Mons was a beast; the weight, though, prevented movement of more than three miles per day.

The cannon used 510mm (roughly 20 inches) calibre cannon balls which each weighed 400 pounds; after being fired to celebrate the marriage of Mary Queen of Scots to the French Dauphin in 1558, one of the cannon balls was discovered over two miles from the castle.  A distinct drawback of the bombard - aside from its sheer size and massive weight - is that as it generated so much heat and stress after firing one round it could only be fired eight times over the course of one day.       

Fire in the hole!