Olympic Fever

The Scotsman

13 June 2012

"Olympic Torch Visits Edinburgh"

From Wire Reports:


Edinburgh was aflame with excitement yesterday, as the Olympic Torch relay squadron blazed a trail through the nation's capital.  One could feel the sparks of excitement in the air, as thousands gathered along High Street to cheer and encourage the (rather slow) procession.  When asked what he thought about the parade, Dr. Mark C. Wallace of Danville, Virginia, replied, "it was well done."  


The faces of many were positively glowing.  Children and adults alike waved Saltires and Union flags in unified support, a gratifying scene in a country which now mulls potential independence.  One official - who asked not to be identified for security reasons - smiled warmly and noted "as long as the flame burns, I can climb the highest mountain, cross the widest sea.  I can feel the Olympic Fire burning within me."  

Crowds gathered to watch the procession

As the flame continues to move through Scotland on its way to London, officials are confident that interest in the torch's movements will continue to remain high.  Indeed, many feel that Scotland's desire to be a host country for the Olympics has been rekindled, having lately been derailed by the tram works which have caused numerous political conflagrations.  


A source closely acquainted with Picts Interested in an Olympic United Scotland (or PIOUS) stated that "it would be untrue, you know that we would be liars if we said we did not want to host the Olympics.  The time to hesitate is through.  We must stop wallowing in the mire and petition for Olympic representation!"  These sentiments were echoed by Scottish MP Hamish Cranachan, who solemnly vowed that "although we didn't start the Olympic fire - as it's been burning since the world's been turning - we didn't light it but we will fight for it."

Plans were made to light the five Olympic circles now positioned on the Mound, although city officials ultimately decided this might pose a hazard.  Drunken revelers - bound by a wild desire - might fall into the burning rings of fire.